its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
