He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
