so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
