Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
