Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
