when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
