Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I smell stomach acid.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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