A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
