so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
