Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Randomize
