im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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