Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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