If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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