happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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