i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
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