I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
