I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Alive.
So much puke
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
