my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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