I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
