STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
