i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
