Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
