Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
