yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
