Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
