Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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