lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
i think my cat just said my name.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
