update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
i need some magic done to my vagina
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
