Whod you bang
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
