I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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