There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I understand Curling. That high.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
