im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
