there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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