My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
