That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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