we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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