I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
