and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
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