Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
