dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
