Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
3 2 1 whiskey
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
