it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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