Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
