he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
