How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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