So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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