God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
