make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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