you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
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