Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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