need another drink. this is the easiest way
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
