She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
