Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize