I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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