sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
