YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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