First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
