Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
