My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
He kissed a someone with a penis
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
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