I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
