Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
