My balls are so social today.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
