from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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