I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
