You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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