sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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