even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
